Feel Strong Emotionally

 

Your hapiness and saftey are a priority 

  • You have a right to feel happy, safe, and secure with your friends, family, partner, and coworkers 

  • It is not okay for

    • Your partner, friends, or family to guilt or belittle you

    • Strangers to catcall or otherwise harass you

    • Anyone (including you) to put you down!

Respect and Care for Yourself

  • Your happiness does not depend on another person (boyfriend, sibling, co-worker)

  • Take time for yourself: read, take a bubble bath, watch TV

  • Your needs matter! Don't empty yourself for other people's needs

  • Spend time with those who lift you up, not put you down

  • You have a right to your own space and privacy, even in a relationship

You can't fix anyone but yourself

  • Everyone has flaws, but some are more dangerous than others

  • Know the difference between minor quirks and deal breakers

  • Partners can change, but you can't make them; they have to change themselves

  • Treat every new relationship and friendship as a learning experience for yourself; find out what makes you happy, or what you cannot stand

Communication is Key for You and Your Partner

  • Conflicts should strengthen a relationship, not strain it

  • Learn to fight fair. This means no:

    • Name calling

    • Blameing or guilting

    • Bringing up past arguments

    • Being more concerned with "winning" than resolving 

  • If things become too heated, take a cool down by walking away or tabling  the discussion for later

  • Recognize and act on trouble spots:

    • Does this person routinely overstep limits that I have made clear?

    • Have we discussed and clarified boundaries?

    • Does this person make me feel better only to let me down later?

    • If this relationship were a bank, does this person make more withdrawals or deposits?

    • Is this person making me feel obligated? Either to do, not do, or give something I am not ready to or don't want to give

    • Am I being coerced  or bullied?

*RED FLAGS! SIGNS OF A POTENTIAL ABUSER*

  • Comes on too strong too fast (e.g. asking to marry you in a matter of a few weeks or months)

  • Pressures you into making a commitment you are not ready for

  • Isolates you from friends or family – wants to keep you "all to  his or her self"

  • Alcohol or drug abuse

  • Can't control or manage anger (e.g. hits or breaks things, especially your things)

  • Blames everything on anyone but themselves

  • Promises that bad behavior will never happen again and it does – more than once

  • 95% of men who physically abuse their intimate 

    partners also psychologically abuse them.

  • Constantly criticizes or makes you feel like you are "walking on eggshells" all the time

  • Lies. Especially about things that really don't matter

  • Always angry at friends, family, coworkers, authorities

  • Fails to keep promises; frequently doesn't call or show up as promised, or has explanations that raise suspicions

  • Rude or demeaning to you or service personnel such as waiters, office assistants, taxi drivers

  • Serious problems with more than one family member

  • Everything is always a "set up", "conspiracy" or someone else's fault

  • Uses emotional blackmail--"If you break up with me I'll kill myself"

  • Takes no responsibility and has learned nothing from past mistakes

  • Compares you to former partners

  • Exhibits extreme mood swings

  • Demands you do things their way or meet their needs with the exclusion of yours

  • Unable to compromise

  • You are sure that you if you love them enough, you can "fix" them. You can't!

If you recognize one or more of the above red flags, you can ask for help!

  • ​If someone's behavior or attitude causes you concern – trust your instincts! Sometimes a second or third opinion can be a helpful decision-maker

  • If you are depressed or lonely, don't just grab the first person that comes your way; call a supportive friend or family member

  • You do not need a romantic relationship to make you okay

  • If you feel uncomfortable in a relationship, living or working situation, seek out help from those around you and those who have the power to help you

  • Make sure you have resources to help in times of trouble or doubt. See our resources page for more detailed information

  • If you recognize or suspect bad behavior or red flags, be strong enough to know that nobody is worth being abused for,  taken advantage of, or mistreated by in any way. Get help and get out!

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